Let’s get personal

About an hour ago I was lying on a table in the nurse’s room, legs a kimbo getting my cervical smear test.

It began as a normal morning, getting up, giving the Dandelions breakfast. Obviously you prepare for these things so I decided to use my lovely new shower gel that I had got for my birthday. I would literally go to this appointment smelling of roses!

Skip to me, naked from the waist down, legs wide and the nurse starts giggling to herself.

“Well, Mrs Mills” She says, “You really didn’t need to go to so much trouble, but I appreciate the effort!”

I am obviously completely dumbfounded by this and laugh awkwardly along with her, not daring to wonder about some of the sights she must see if she thinks my hasty trim the night before is making an effort.

Seconds later she says “Ok, you’re done.” and pulls the curtain across so that i can dress in private. As I am hastily pulling my clothes back on I glance down to see glitter- everywhere. I frown to myself and then it suddenly all falls into place. Turns out that new shower gel has sparkle, a lot of sparkle and I have just revealed my shiny lady garden to the nurse!

Despite the ridiculousness of the situation and my wishing that the earth would swallow me right there and then, the actual procedure was over in seconds. Listen, nobody looks forward to stripping from the waist down and spreading their legs while someone you only just met sticks tools inside your most delicate bits. But you know what? It literally takes seconds, it will take longer for you to perform that strip and assume the position than it will for the nurse to do her thing. Honestly, the hard part really isn’t having the test done, it’s waiting for the results to come back all clear.


It’s not something that anyone particularly wants to talk about, but cervical cancer is real and it’s happening NOW!


I like to think my friends and family are all sensible enough to not miss their smear test, but if this post reaches just one person then I have completed my mission. Don’t be afraid.

Get on it ladies!




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